Broken Heart, Broken Rules
by Rebecca Wolfe
Summary: Lucas gives up on being perfect for a father that won't love him anyways, and decides to break a few rules and have some fun. Chapter Two added.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I wanted to do something charcter-devlepy with Lucas, _without_ making him suicidal or self mutilation-like. So instead he's a-gonna be a party animal! Woo! This will still get serious-ish in the later chapters though, but for now Lucas just wants to have some fun.

~*~

"I give up." The idea had never occurred to him, but after this first time of saying it, Lucas repeated it with enthusiasm. "I fucking give up." With that he exited his email program. Another empty mailbox – the last place he'd looked for any sign of love or recognition from his parents on his birthday. But for once there were no tears to brush away. For once there was no sharp pain in his chest at being unloved. All that filled Lucas now was emptiness.

He looked at a picture of his dad that was tacked to a tag board on the cold metal walls of his room on the Sea Quest. Tearing it off, he got out a lighter from the clutter on his desk and started to talk to the picture as if it could hear him.

"I've tried all my life to be perfect, tried to be something you could love." He rolled his thumb across the lighter and held the flame to the picture. "I never messed up for you. I never got below an A for you." He watched the flames lick across the picture hungrily, watched it devour his dad. "I was perfect for you so you would love me, and it didn't work. So I give up. Fuck you." The picture was reduced to ashes, and Lucas pushed back his chair aggressively and strode out of his room with a purpose. He had let it come to surface that his father didn't actually love him. He was finally accepting it. He thought there was pain in the back of his mind at this acceptance but pushed it down until all he felt was emptiness. His father had broken his heart; now it was time to break his father's rules.

"Hey Lucas, where y'goin'?" Asked Ben as Lucas brushed by him. 

"I'm going to find some fun." Lucas turned before Ben could ask to join in and walked away. This shore leave he wasn't going to give a damn about anything. He had bottled himself up to stay out of trouble, isolated himself from other kids to keep from disappointing his father. If being perfect hadn't worked then nothing would; so why even try?

It wasn't long before Lucas had found other teens once he had gotten away from the Sea Quest. It was spring break; parties would be everywhere. Walking around a residential area, Lucas found a house with loads of cars around it. He walked up to it, able to hear the music from the driveway. It was loud and angry, and Lucas knew this is where he wanted to be. 

The door was unlocked, and Lucas opened the door to a whole new world. The air was a cloud of smoke, he could smell cigarettes, weed, and alcohol. People's bodies were packed everywhere, some dancing, some making out, a couple of guys were rolling on the ground trying to punch each other. And between the angry guitar riffs he could hear a muffled roar of voices. For a second he panicked and almost ran away – but then he let the noises and the smells and the wild feeling drown out everything else – emotion, sense, care, - and walked in.

A girl almost as tall as him grabbed his arm and spun him towards her. "Hey kid, who the hell are you?" Her words were slurred and she was rocking from side to side a little. 

"I just moved here. Some kid said I could come." He had to shout this twice before she heard what he said.

"In that case," She shouted back, "Have a drink and knock yourself out. If you want something stronger just see A.J." She pointed to dark eyed, dark haired youth exhaling a cloud of smoke in a corner with a few others doing the same. "He's too stoned to mind giving anything away right now." She smiled almost fondly, then raised her voice as a few girls passed her, directing her comment at them as much as at him. "And if you're in the mood, these slut's do just about anything for five bucks." 

"Oh, shut up Stephanie." They said, but they were laughing drunkenly and Lucas doubted if any of them would really not do just what the hostess had said.

"Thanks." Lucas mouthed to her, and she nodded, raising a beer to him, and then wandered off.

Grabbing a beer himself, Lucas wandered around while sipping at it. He didn't particularly like the taste, but seemed to mind it less after each swallow. He found a tray of brownies and had eaten two before he realized what was probably in them. He laughed at how stupid he had been, and a few people standing near him joined him in laughing. For a while the four of them stood around laughing until they sighed and stopped, almost in unison. Then they watched as someone fell down the steps and they started laughing again.

"Dude, those brownies, are the best damn brownies, that I haven't ever not eaten." Lucas said, waving his finger in the air to illustrate his point. 

They all nodded in appreciation of the brownies. 

A short, busty blonde walked near and one of the four reached out and snaked his arm around her waist. "Hey Sandy. I hear Steph's parent's bed is really firm. I know how you like things firm."

Sandy rolled her eyes and slipped out of his arm. "It was over a goddamn month ago you creep. And maybe it's _because_ I like things firm that I broke it off."

Everyone but her ex boyfriend seemed to find this hilarious, and Sandy smiled at his blush.

"Besides," She said, her voice sultry as she floated closer to Lucas. "I told you. I prefer blondes." She stared up into his blue eyes, and Lucas swallowed. A second later his eyes bulged out as she reached for his groin and squeezed him. "See? He's nice and firm, _and_ he's blond!" She winked at him, then walked away laughing.

"Woah." Lucas breathed. "The people never do _that_ where I come from." No one could stop laughing for five minutes straight.


	2. Chapter Two

All the fun of the night before quickly faded when Lucas felt the affects of it the next morning. He was lying on the ground in his room of the Sea Quest, though he had no recollection of getting there. His head was pounding, for some reason his knees were throbbing as if he'd fallen down a lot, and his stomach felt pretty iffy.

Lucas barely made his way to the bathroom, and then he splashed cold water on his face. It woke him up enough to open his eyes wide enough to look at himself in the mirror.

There were huge bags under his eyes, his hair was a greasy mess, and there was a beer stain on his shirt, but other than that he didn't look too horrible. Lucas took a quick, freezing shower, a few aspirin, changed, and by the time he was seated in the mess hall he felt almost good.

"Hey Lucas, what time did you come in last night?" Asked Ford suspiciously.

Ben swooped in next to him, and Lucas was glad he spoke up for him. "Lucas came back with me. We were late, but he was with me."

Lucas smiled his thanks, but was worried by the stern look Ben had on.

After breakfast, Ben pulled Lucas aside. Lucas figured he was in trouble when Ben opened the conversation by hitting him on the back of the head.

"Kid, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I was never as stupid as you were when I was your age." Ben hesitated a second and stared off, and Lucas was sure Ben was wondering if he _actually_ had never been as stupid. Ben shook his head of a memory and looked back at Lucas. "I found you drunk last night, curled up in front of the entrance to the SeaQuest. What the hell were you thinking? If Bridger would have found you, you'd have been kicked out for sure, not to mention probably picking up trash on the coastline. Now I know you're just trying to have fun or be a kid for a change, but if you don't do it more responsibly, I won't protect you anymore. I could get in trouble too you know, not to mention I'd blame myself if anything bad happened to you."

Looking at him guiltily, Lucas nodded in agreement. "I'm really sorry. I just got out of control I guess. I'll be more careful, I promise."

Ben nodded, then his expression softened to one of endearment and he gave Lucas a noogie. "That's all I ask kid. Have fun the rest of spring break." He winked and walked away.

Lucas's face hardened as soon as Ben had turned his back. These people had known him for less than a year. Maybe it was just a matter of time, maybe as soon as they knew him as long as him parents had known him they would hate him too. "It doesn't matter." Lucas assured himself, heading outside. "What matters right now, is having some fun."

Lucas went back to the same neighborhood, and found another house blasting music. He walked inside and was greeted by a few people, and recognized most of the faces even if he only remembered a few names.

"Hey, it's blondie!" Said a sultry voice he recognized from the night before. He turned to find Sandy holding out a beer for him. 

He smiled and accepted. The music here was a live band, and for awhile Lucas simply drowned in it all; the blasting sounds, the alcohol, and the fact that Sandy was hanging on him and always seemed to be touching him in some way. 

K.C, Sandy's old boyfriend, noticed it all with a scowl on his face, though Lucas was relieved the scowl was directed completely at Sandy and not at himself. In fact, K.C was more than generous with Lucas.

"Hey, you want a hit?" He held out a cigarette to Lucas, who shrugged and reached for it until Sandy slapped his arm away.

"Don't be stupid. That's K.C's 'super weed'. He mixes it with PCP." She turned sternly to K.C. "What're trying to do? Kill the kid?"

"Kill him? I wouldn't put it like that. More like I'm trying to send him to heaven baby. This is manufactured Euphoria."

Sandy rolled her eyes and put her arms on Lucas's shoulders. "How about this blondie: You can take his 'manufactured euphoria and mess up your head. Or you can come upstairs with me, and I'll give you a euphoria that you'll still be able to remember the next time you wake up." She licked her lips to more clearly articulate what she had in mind, and a few guys hollered support for Lucas.

_Oh Dear God._ Lucas thought as he followed her up the steps of the house to a room whose walls barely muffled the sounds from the rest of the house.

Lucas opened his mouth to explain he'd never done anything like this before, but she put her finger to his lips and gently pushed him onto the bed. She pulled a condom from her pocket and winked. Lucas leaned back and closed his eyes. After she had kissed him and undressed him, just the process of her putting the condom on was one of more elation than he'd ever felt. By the end of the night, Sandy proved her words right. Lucas reached euphoria inside of her, and he would remember it for a _long_ time. He made it to the SeaQuest with only a buzz this time, and the amazing feeling Sandy gave him was still with him when he woke up the next morning.

That next week was so full of parties, drugs, alcohol, and sex that it went by in a blur. Lucas played drinking games that left him laughing until he cried every time someone said the word "duck." After getting drunk, he and four other girls and two other boys tried out a group sex stint that left everyone involved incapacitated for long after the last orgasm, gasping for breath and slowly coming down from the elation.

All the guys he met found him hilarious or at least funny. All the girls he'd met found him adorable and innocent, and seemed to enjoy teasing him (in more ways than one.) And they never needed him to ramble off calculations to be impressed. They didn't care if he got good grades. They didn't care if he made an ass of himself; they just laughed with him, helped him up, and handed him another drink. Lucas felt accepted by them, he felt a sense of family and belonging amongst these wild children, and didn't care that Ben wouldn't look at him, that Bridger kept acting suspicious and angry, that the SeaQuest was no longer an escape from a family that had held him back from being loved, but now something holding him back from a new family whose only rule was to have fun.

But you have to come down from every high . . . 

A/N: hope that chapter was good too, if you want me to do another chapter with more partying instead of the 'coming down from the high' chapter, just let me know in the review. They'll both be fun to write!


End file.
